at my age, sean william scott was already drinking semen in american pie. maybe i should rethink my life. or maybe he should rethink his?

gargolye

Years from now when I am old and gray, reliving my salad days surrounded by grandchildren, I'm sure I will talk about what it was like to go to college around the turn of the century.

"Mostly we partied," is probably how I will describe the experience. Sure I went to class, and I played a lot of halo, but the real skills I got were drinking skills. A college education takes place in damp basements with oversized speakers and bros that are caricatures of themselves. I've gotten pretty good at flip cup and beer pong over the years, and I once did a keg stand for a country minute. But I had never heard of gargoyleing(sp?).

Apparently if you want to do a keg stand REAL BAD and all the assholes around you wont hold up your legs, you can gargoyle it. Just stand on the keg, squat down, pump the tap yourself and just go nuts. It is possibly the most depressing thing you can do at a party, unless you also time yourself with your Casio stopwatch, trying "beat a personal record."

And that, children, is what I learned in medical school.

Booze Numerology

2 drinks: "Nice hair"
3 drinks: "You're purtty cute, what's your name?"
5 drinks: "So is that like, your natural hair color or what?"
8 drinks: "DOES THE CARPET MATCH THE DRAPES? HA HA HA"

What's the point of having a blog if you're not going to update it?

I'm really irritated by my school's internet access. Whatever the opposite of web 2.0 is is the IT department at rosalind franklin.

a return to normalcy a.k.a. the douchbag contest

Yeah so I'm very aware that I don't post, ever, but I think I'm going to try and work on that. It is a New Year's resolution I'm having for Valentine's day.

Today I saw the most amazing thing at the Jewel. I didn't realize it at the time, but apparently there was a "biggest douchebag" contest going on, in which I was an accidental participant. I saw a dude with a bluetooth phone (douchebag) which I have come to expect from this area. This is not noteworthy because there are a lot of regular ass douchbags in and around Deerfield. But then he turned his head and a SECOND bluetooth was revealed.

And then it happened. Up from a primordial organ within mine own body did surge an explosion of laughter so powerful that I turned heads. Thinking quickly, I looked away at some chips (el ranchero chips to be exact), but I'm pretty sure they saw through that rouse. I didnt care, it was worth it. I packed up my cart full of protein bars and axe body spray and left.