Montana

I went to Montana for a couple weeks. Here are the highlights:

-On the way down, the person across the aisle from me was a transvestite, post op from what it looks like. The weirdest part was that "she" looked remarkably similar to Condi Rice. Condi Rice with an Adams Apple.

-Bert told me a story about how he and some of my other cousins and uncles stumbled across a huge field of pot while duck hunting in Bob Dole's hometown. Like, a FIELD of it. Needless to say they got the fuck out of there fast.

-Bert is a veterinarian, and he was storing his toiletries in an "arm condom" for inseminating horses. Imagine my surprise when he first pulled it out and brushed his teeth with the contents.

-I went to a PRCA sanctioned rodeo in Thermopolis, WY. Rodeos are the bomb, but the patriotism and ridiculousness surrounding it is annoying. After the rodeo we went to the bar (Shorty's) that sponsored the event, except it looked like a good place to get shot, so we backed off.

-I spent a few days on an Indian Reservation in Wyoming. Indians are really good at acquiring a lot of shit that is rusty and doesn't work and depositing it on their lawns. Also they have a lot of trash piles out front. This is 100% not an exaggeration. You can tell the color of someone's skin by looking at the amount of shit on their yard. It is partly our fault for giving them so much money.

-Indians take a while to get started in the morning. I dont think we ever did anything before 10 in the morning.

-On the way to the res, our Arapaho buddy told us to be careful on the highway, because it was August 3rd, and that means plenty of Indians were still drunk from Allotment day when they get their checks. I laughed, but he was completely serious. If you get hit by a drunk Indian car, you still have to pay for damages. None of them have insurance because they don't have to. It's kind of like diplomatic immunity.

-The big lake in the Grand Tetons is a man made dam lake. It's a national park, and it has a man made lake. Is that legal?

-We killed and buried a horse. Best way to do that? A .22 and a bulldozer.

I'm going to start school again soon, which means I'm going to be poor for a long while.